


i wanna be with you everywhere

by wintersend



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Birthday Sex, Copious Amounts of Fluff, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Happy Valentine's Day!, Netflix and Chill, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rated E for future chapters, Soooooo much fluff, a little bit of angst too but not much i swear, and other surprises, bodhi is a meddler, i never thought i would ever tag that, jyn's a mess but what's new, or wait did i mention that already
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-18 10:22:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13679760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wintersend/pseuds/wintersend
Summary: Five times Jyn and Cassian go on a date and one time they don’t.





	1. January, 2018

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RogueRevenant](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RogueRevenant/gifts).



> written for the Rebelcaptain Valentine exchange, my prompt was: _“just a cute little date with Jyn and Cassian with some cuddles and a ton of fluff”_ So me, ever the overachiever, decided to make this into a five plus one thing because five dates are better than one, right? There’s probably less fluff in this one than in the others and no cuddling just yet, but they’re coming, I promise. Hope you enjoy this! :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bodhi has a favor to ask that may or may not lead to some good old-fashioned fake dating…

**January, 2018**

“I need you two,” Bodhi says as he breezes in, bringing a gust of cold air with him, “to pretend to date.”

Normally, Jyn would scoff and say, “Hello to you too, Bodhi,” but she’s so taken aback by his careless proclamation that she can only manage to choke on empty air. Cassian, sitting next to her, shifts uncomfortably and manages a confused, “Bodhi, what?”

“Don’t freak out,” Bodhi says, holding his palms up in a brief placating gesture before he removes his scarf and seats himself at their table.

“Too late,” Jyn facepalms, attempting to gather her composure. Bodhi threw her for a loop there but now she remembers herself and dons her best intimidating expression while she reaches for her drink and casually swirls the liquid in the glass. _Act cool,_ she tells herself but she can’t bring herself to risk a glance in Cassian’s direction.

Bodhi looks largely unaffected by her glare and Jyn briefly wonders when they all stopped being afraid of her.

“You know my parents are visiting next week,” Bodhi begins slowly, as if trying to find the best way to go about this, and Jyn’s stomach drops because _fuck_ , he’s actually serious about this, isn’t he? She was hoping maybe it was just a joke.

She squirms in her seat and resolutely doesn’t look at Cassian.

“And my mom’s been onto me about having a girlfriend for… well, a long time. I usually manage to keep her in check but my cousin’s wedding is coming up and I absolutely must bring a date and well, she thought it would be a good idea to bring you.” Here, he looks at Jyn, who’s still actively glaring at him and wondering if his story will make sense any time soon.

It’s not entirely implausible, what he’s saying. Bodhi’s parents have always been kind to her and Jyn remembers Mrs. Rook’s numerous hints and attempts to set her up with her son during high school all too well.

“Jyn looks pretty today, don’t you think?” she would say, or, “What you need is a girl like Jyn, strong, confident, independent,” and Bodhi would blush and Jyn would be left more than a little confused (because why the fuck would anyone want _her_ to be dating their precious son?) as she’d try to resist rolling her eyes at her best friend’s mother.

Thankfully, after leaving for college, Mrs. Rook stopped pushing the idea every time she saw Jyn. But even now, she hasn’t fully let go of the idea that someday, Jyn and Bodhi might get married and give her the beautiful grandbabies she’s always wanted.

Too bad Jyn’s never been interested. She’s never been interested in _anyone_ , really, besides the occasional quick fling or fuck for the night, and if there was one exception to that rule, she would vehemently deny it to anyone who mentioned it.

“Where are you going with this?” Jyn narrows her eyes at her best friend, silently telling him to get to the point.

Cassian shifts next to her but she doesn’t look. He’s been quiet, which is not unusual, but it bothers her that she has no idea what he’s thinking.

Surely, he has some objections too, right?

“I told her we were just friends, really, I did, but she wouldn’t let it go.” Bodhi makes his voice a whine and looks at her with big pleading eyes – which, yes, he is pretty good at, but if Bodhi has grown immune to her glare then she’s also grown immune to his puppy eyes. It’s not going to work on her. “So I panicked and I… I said you were already dating Cassian.”

Cassian makes a soft noise in the back of his throat, so quiet she might have missed it if she weren’t sitting right beside him, their legs almost touching. Well, they were almost touching when Bodhi walked in, but now, she notices, he’s pulled away.

She finally glances at him, just for a second, only to see absolutely nothing on his face. _Typical_ , she almost scoffs. He _would_ play the closed book right now.

“Why Cassian?” she asks once she’s torn her eyes away from the man in question. There’s more bite to her tone than she intended and she can feel Cassian tensing beside her. Damn it, she didn’t mean it to come out like _that_.

Bodhi raises his eyebrows. “Should I have went with Kay?”

Jyn groans because no, that is about as believable as she and Bodhi. Less, even. Definitely less.

“You’re the worst.”

“Sure,” Bodhi agrees and looks at them expectantly. “So, what do you think?”

Jyn thinks it sounds almost contrived. Too bizarre to be true. Possibly a set-up. Except what reason would Bodhi have to set them up?

Sure, he’s teased her about Cassian occassionally but she told him he was being ridiculous every time. Once, when Cassian was not present, and they were so deep into their drinks that he feared Jyn punching him a little less, he even outright told her to make a move on him. But that didn’t mean… He wouldn’t set them up like this. The move sounds more like Leia than Bodhi, who’s always been too genuine for his own good.

“You should just tell them about Luke, you know,” Cassian offers, ever the practical. “You’d have a date to your cousin’s wedding and you could put a stop to your mom’s schemes involving you and Jyn once and for all.”

“Probably, yes,” Bodhi nods but Jyn can tell from the tone of his voice that he’s not planning on coming out, at least not yet, not this time. “But this way works, too.

“Do you expect us to play a couple for the rest of our lives?”

They don’t see Bodhi’s parents often since they graduated from high school but Jyn’s not sure she can handle pretending to be Cassian’s girlfriend _one time_ , let alone multiple times.

“Of course not. Just… for this one dinner? I don’t really want to tell them I lied and make this visit more awkward than necessary.”

“Or I could just not go to dinner.”

“Oh, come on, they would be heartbroken.”

Jyn’s fairly certain they would live but before she could point that out, Cassian offers, too, “Then I won’t go.”

“No, they want to see you too! Come on, don’t be like that, it’ll be just like old times.”

Jyn can’t deny that it sounds nice. Back in high school, she and Cassian had probably had dinner at the Rook’s house more often than at their own. It was always their spot to hang out, far away from Jyn’s family drama and Cassian’s lack of a family. Reminiscing doesn’t sound like the worst thing in the world. But.

_But._

How is she supposed to be Cassian’s girlfriend for a whole night then go back to normal like nothing happened?

“Bodhi…”

“I hardly see them, you know,” he says, probably sensing that Jyn’s about to decline. And it’s unfair, it’s really unfair, because now he’s being quiet and serious and there’s genuine sadness in his voice. She can withstand his puppy eyes but not this. “I just want it to be a good time.”

Cassian mutters something under his breath in Spanish but Jyn doesn’t pay attention.

“Is it too much to hope that this is some cruel early April’s Fool joke?” she wonders as a last resort, already knowing she’s going to agree.

And while Bodhi laughs and says, “In the middle of January?” in the corner of her eyes, she can see Cassian looking away and clutching his drink tightly.

She’s being rude, she realizes, but she isn’t sure how else to protect herself from the inevitable heartbreak that’s going to follow. There isn’t enough alcohol in the cantina for this.

“Okay,” she sighs, quiet and defeated, but already preparing the various favors she’s going to collect from Bodhi for this. She turns to Cassian, a little bit afraid, a little bit hopeful, and sees only a blank wall staring back at her. “Cassian?”

He clears his throat. “Sure.”

She raises her eyebrows. He’s way too casual. “That’s all?”

“It’s only for one night,” he shrugs in an off-hand manner. He sounds a bit more sincere when he continues, “I promise, dating me is not that bad.”

“I’m not even going to dignify that with a response.”

“Relax, Jyn,” he says and takes a sip of his drink. “How hard can it be?”

Yeah, how hard?

* * *

Not that hard, as it turns out.

Perhaps that’s what makes it, well… hard. At least, emotionally. As if she isn’t already bad at emotions.

If she had any sense at all, she would have played at being sick and canceled dinner plans a day earlier, but some masochistic part of her wouldn’t let her blow off the whole thing. The same part that whispered to her all week, posing improper questions _(What will his hand feel like in yours? Will he take your arm and kiss your cheek? Will he look at you differently?)_ and creating unrealistic end-scenarios where he magically admitted his feelings for her and she laughed as she called him a bloody fool for not saying so earlier but kissed him anyway.

The same part that made it absolutely clear that this would be her only chance to know what it’s like to be dating Cassian and thus, she shouldn’t waste it.

Mrs. Rook regards them suspiciously when they arrive, almost like she didn’t expect Bodhi to be telling the truth, and Jyn can’t blame her. But she offers them a smile and a courteous “I’m so happy for you two,” and accepts Bodhi’s lie as the truth.

And Cassian – well, Cassian is a life saver. He’s so much better at this than she is. Jyn keeps waiting for the moment they fuck up and this nice little fantasy comes crashing down, but Cassian effortlessly leads the conversation, answers questions for the both of them, and steals food off Jyn’s plate like he’s been doing it his whole life. (Well… he sort of has. But this feels different, somehow.)

Then Jyn makes the mistake of trying to contribute, trying to prove she could fake it too, and when Mrs. Rook asks them how long they’ve been together, they both answer at the same time.

“Six months.”

“A year.”

There’s an awkward silence. Mrs. Rook eyes the two of them skeptically, and Jyn thinks, _fuck, we did it now. It’s done._

But then Cassian laughs, if a little uncomfortable, and says, “We’ve been seeing each other for a year but we only made it official six months ago. We wanted to be sure of our feelings before we told anyone else.”

“Yes, that’s right,” Jyn agrees, echoing his laugh and trying to seem confident. Bodhi nods along with an almost pained smile and his parents seem to accept the explanation.

Jyn learns to shut up after that.

* * *

**Bodhi:** _you were good, they bought it_

**Bodhi:** _I owe you :))_

Jyn locks her phone and puts it in her pocket without answering. She doesn’t feel like dealing with any of this right now but her mind can’t stop replaying Cassian throwing his arm around her shoulder, casually stroking her bare skin, taking her hand as they make their leave, and, God help her, even kissing the top of her head at one point. Which made her gasp embarrassingly loudly and he had to discreetly pinch her arm to snap her out of it. Flustered as she was, it couldn’t have been more incriminating, but somehow, they managed to get through the night without outing themselves.

Now that it’s over and there’s no audience to perform for anymore, she feels a little shaken, a little out of balance, reeling from the experience. It feels like her world was turned upside down then returned to normal but she could never go back to the way she was before.

It doesn’t help that the key figure of her inner turmoil is walking right beside her as they make their way home in the chilly January air, hands shoved in his pockets, so tantalizingly close and so annoyingly desirable.

 _He_ was good, he really was. His performance sold the entire thing. And though she’s certain she was less convincing than him, holding his hand felt right, having his arms around her felt natural. Easy.

She gives a long-suffering sigh and he glances at her sideways, an amused smile playing on his lips.

“Tired?”

“Ugh,” she groans, feeling a little relieved that they’re finally talking. And it feels normal. “That was the longest night of my life.”

“Oh, come on,” he says and his voice is still light, “It wasn’t that bad.”

“It was horrifying!” she objects and immediately regrets it. That sounds cruel, she knows that right away, but it’s already out there. Apparently, she can’t stop putting her foot in her mouth.

His smile is gone. There’s a moment of naked hurt before he masks it under a perfect poker face. “Oh.”

Jyn wishes she could kick herself right now. Why does everything she say come out so wrong and like she could imagine nothing worse than being his girlfriend?

She opens her mouth to say something, correct herself, but like the coward she is, she can’t make the words leave her mouth. She doesn’t know the right ones. She never has and it has never been a problem with Cassian before. He understands her, most of the time. But this, she supposes, is different.

They walk in silence for a few minutes before they reach her apartment and he doesn’t quite look her in the eye as he tells her, “Goodnight, Jyn,” already turning and preparing to walk away.

She can’t let him go, not like this.

“Cassian, wait. Come on.” She waits until he turns back, something akin to resignation on his suddenly exhausted face, and then she sighs, hoping her eyes would convey her sincerity more than her feeble attempt at words. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“No. I know.” He pauses and she can see he’s forgiven her, just like that. If he ever was mad at all. “I know how you meant it.” He looks sad at that and Jyn wonders, _do you? Do you really?_

_How could you? How could you know that it was the single most exhausting night of my life because of how badly I want you? Because of how badly I probably always wanted you? How could you know that it was horrifying only because it wasn’t real and now I know what I’m missing?_

There’s all that and more running through her head, but as any other time when she was faced with the opportunity to fess up, she doesn’t say them. She holds out her arms instead. “Are we good?”

“We’re good,” he nods but hesitates for a second before stepping into her embrace.

Immediately, she’s bombarded with flashbacks of every little touch they shared tonight, no matter how few or how small, and it leaves her breathless with a burning desire to just say fuck it all and _act_. Do something about it, at last. Kiss him, maybe. Fuck him, ideally. And then ask him out on a date – a real one.

She’s never been good with words. She can’t tell him how she feels, what she’s thinking. But she isn’t so bad with actions.

 _Come on,_ she nudges herself, tries to convince herself to act before he pulls away and her window of opportunity closes again. Just take a risk. For once, act, let him know. _Jump._

She jumps.

Cassian’s skin is cool against her lips as she turns her face and makes contact with his neck.

He jumps too, in the literal sense, and makes a noise that could be interpreted as surprise or pleasure or _both_. It leaves her immensely pleased with herself, wanting to hear him do it again. She presses closer, sucks on his skin, scratching her teeth along his throat until she hears him groan.

Fuck, this is more than rewarding.

“Jyn,” he whispers as he pulls away, his eyes darker than she’s ever seen them. They are asking a question but she’s too busy interpreting the heavy look he’s giving her. It’s full of something… desire, if she were to guess.

He wants her too.

The realization makes her giddy and bold and before she could remember to be nervous, she leans up and truly kisses him.

And hell, she thinks, as a shell-shocked Cassian begins to respond, she’s never been properly kissed before. Never even been close. She’s been missing out, she decides, as Cassian tangles his fingers in her hair and makes her forget that breathing is even a necessity. It’s only as she’s gasping for air when they pull away that she realizes she was even struggling to breathe.

It’s wonderful and she wants more. There’s no way she can go back to being just friends now.

She surges in again but Cassian grips her waist and pushes her away, just a little, so he can stop her from kissing him while he searches for answers.

“What was that for?” He sounds breathless too and it makes her proud.

“What do you think?”

“Jyn – ”

“It was because I wanted to do that all night. And… well, it wasn’t the first time I wanted to do it. So I finally did it.”

He looks at her with an indiscernible expression – it’s not exactly blank but she can’t read it. Still high on adrenaline, it doesn’t make her as nervous as it normally would. He kissed her back with an intensity that mirrored her own so he must feel the same. Right?

Jyn shifts, the longer Cassian stares, saying nothing, and some of her certainty abandons her in favor of something more insecure. But he doesn’t keep her waiting too long before he breaks into a brilliant, bright smile, one that doesn’t make an appearance too often.

“So, horrifying, huh?”

“Shut up,” she says but laughs because he keeps looking at her with that smile, playful and happy, and it’s impossible to be annoyed when he looks like that.

“And all those things you said at the cantina…”

“I was diverting.” She stops, chews on her lips. “Did I hurt you?”

Stupid question, of course she did. She would be hurt too if he said anything like that.

He shrugs, his grin melting into a soft, reassuring smile. “It was pretty much the reaction I was expecting.”

Well, that doesn’t make her feel better. Boldly, she takes one of his hands in her own and squeezes. “Then you’re stupid.”

“Trying to comfort me with insults? Only you would.” His laugh is teasing and fond. “Let’s repeat this sometime?”

She doesn’t know if he means the kissing or the date (if it can be counted as such, but in her opinion, it really can’t) but she’d be happy to do both.

“Definitely,” she agrees. Her knees almost wobble when he raises the hand holding his and presses a light kiss to her knuckles. Such a stupidly romantic and kind of outdated gesture, and it really shouldn’t work on her, but because it’s Cassian, it does.

“Well, goodnight, Jyn.” He turns back as she struggles with her keys, a little slower than usual, and calls out to her. “Good first date.”

She gapes after him, “This was not our first date!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m planning to update this weekly if all goes well. I haven’t finished all of them yet but hopefully, in the meantime, I’ll catch up. Happy Valentine’s Day!


	2. February, 2018

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Accidents, interruptions, pizza, and “netflix and chill.” Not necessarily in that order.

**February, 2018**

It’s a last-minute decision to stay at home instead of going out to see a movie like they had planned, but Jyn takes one look at Cassian standing on her doorstep in form-fitting jeans and a blue sweater, waiting for her with a soft smile on his face that she’s slowly getting used to, and she promptly drags him inside by the collar of his undershirt, kissing him instead of saying hello.

Cassian doesn’t complain, running with her impulsiveness, hands curling around her waist as he, at least, has the good sense to kick the door shut behind them. Then they’re in the living room, on the couch, and it’s at least half an hour before they stop. By then, they’re already late to their movie, and, frankly, she doesn’t mind.

“Let’s skip this movie, yeah?” she breathes, sitting in his lap, taking deep breaths to calm her racing heart. His hair is a mess thanks to her overeager hands, his sweater rumpled, his eyes hazy and wide, and a purplish hickey is already bruising on his neck. She knows she looks no better.

They’re like teenagers discovering sex for the first time, but as someone who’s mostly skipped out on the whole dating experience, she doesn’t mind having that with Cassian now.

“I was hoping you’d say that,” he responds and leans up to nibble on her lips, making her laugh against his mouth.

She pulls herself away from him and he looks a little disappointed, but watches with eager eyes as she smooths down her clothes. She holds back a snort at the way his eyes linger on her chest and heads into the kitchen.

“Want something to eat? I have… well, I have something.” She opens the fridge, winces, and turns back towards the living room. “Or maybe we should order pizza.”

“Sounds good to me,” Cassian agrees, walking up behind her, his arms slipping around her waist again. His lips ghost her neck, up to her ear, and he whispers, “And we could still watch something, if you want.”

Based on the way his fingers are playing with the edge of her shirt, she knows how much _watching_ he intends to do.

She tries not to let her voice shake as she says, “Are you trying to pull a Netflix and chill on me?”

“Would it work?”

“Probably.”

She turns in his arms, sliding her hands up his chest until they loop around his neck. There’s a mischievous smile playing on his lips, so out of place on usually calm and collected Cassian, and it feels wonderful to have it directed at her. She gives him a lazy kiss, easily melting into his embrace until her legs feel like jelly again.

They’ve been together for about a month but they haven’t slept together yet and all that sexual frustration is clearly beginning to wear them down. If Jyn had her way, this wouldn’t be an issue anymore, but Cassian had a hectic few weeks at work, then Jyn was on her period, and every other time they could have been alone, they were interrupted by either Bodhi or Kay (the latter of whom almost seemed to do it on purpose. Judging by how unpleased he seemed when they walked into the cantina one night holding hands, it was definitely a possibility.

Bodhi, on the other hand, had been delighted and insisted that they name their firstborn after him as a thank you for his role in getting them together. Though he denied meddling on purpose, Jyn had her suspicions. She couldn’t find it in herself to be too mad, though.)

Tonight, however, would hopefully be free of distractions. Jyn intends to have Cassian out of his clothes before the night is over and she’s not going to let anything stop her this time.

She pulls away and tugs at his hand. “Come on. Let’s watch something scary. I promise I’ll protect you.”

* * *

They settle on some mindless low-budget horror movie, mostly because neither of them scare easily and they are easy to make fun of. Which is what they’re doing for the first fifteen minutes or so, until Cassian puts his arm around her and begins to draw lazy patterns on her back. Her skin tingles, her mind losing focus, and she just knows, by the grin tugging at his lips, that he’s doing it on purpose.

Well, two could play that game, she decides, and returns the favor by sliding her fingers into his hair, tugging on the strands the way she knows he likes it. They are kissing not even two minutes later and she can’t tell who broke first.

Now, she’s straddling his lap again, and he’s tugging her shirt over her head, the living room sometimes echoing with screams neither of them notice, movie long forgotten in the background.

She reaches behind her back to unclasp her bra, letting it fall away from her chest. This is further than they’ve ever gotten and Jyn trembles with anticipation. Cassian looks at her with dark hooded eyes, full of want, and she shivers, her breath catching, heartbeat stuttering.

He raises a hand to tuck her hair behind her ear, then slowly – achingly slowly, he trails his fingers down her neck, the column of her throat, her collarbone, her chest. He drags a finger along her nipple, eliciting a gasp as she pushes herself against his hand, a silent plea. Clearly pleased with her reaction, he cups her, squeezing, and Jyn jerks against his leg, unable to help herself.

“Cassian…”

He looks up at her, a contemplative look in his eyes, teeth sinking into his bottom lip. He’s not doing it on purpose, she doesn’t think, but god, the sight is so attractive, she can barely hold back a groan. She’s overcome by wants like she has never been before – she wants to ride him, she wants to take him in her mouth and make him come harder than he ever has, she wants to worship his body until he’s reduced to a breathless quivering mess for her. She’s impossibly wet and she wants him to do something about it.

Cassian kisses her throat first, then moves lower, repeating the same path he’s traced with his fingers and leaving kisses along every inch of skin he passes until he reaches her breasts. He presses a kiss to each of her nipples before he takes one in his mouth, sucking. She whines low in her throat, aching, needing more, and thinking that if he keeps this up, it won’t be long before _she’s_ the breathless quivering mess in his arms.

She reaches for his belt buckle, impatient and trying to regain some segment of control, and he stops, pulls back to look into her eyes.

“Are you sure?” he asks, voice strangled.

“Oh, yes,” she assures him, fingers now working his zipper down, and that is all the confirmation he needs. He’s kissing her again, which disrupts her concentration, but she manages to free him from his boxers blindly, swallowing his groan of pleasure as she begins to lazily stroke him.

Then something occurs to her.

“Wait a second.”

“Hmm?” He looks dazed, confused, eyes full of want, but now also concern. “What’s wrong?”

“Turn off your phone,” she instructs him while she grapples for her own on the table and does the same. The TV screen is currently depicting the bloody murder of a young blonde woman but she doesn’t pay attention. “I’m not having Kay call you again with some contrived crisis situation.”

“It was one time and he really did need –”

“Just do it.”

Cassian nods and grabs his phone, tossing it aside carelessly once he’s done. He grips her arms, pulling her closer, but before their lips could meet again, the doorbell rings.

Jyn groans. She forgot about the fucking pizza.

Her stomach, however, did not, and now it makes itself known by grumbling loudly. Cassian flashes her an amused smile and she glares half-heartedly.

“We’re eating and then we’re continuing this,” she warns him, pointing a finger, while she pulls her shirt back on. Cassian nods, his smile growing. It’s a nice sight so she doesn’t mind, even if it’s at her own expense.

Their pizza smells delicious; she really didn’t realize how hungry she was while she was busy making out with Cassian. He seems to share her sentiment, though, eagerly devouring slices upon slices while they turn their attention back to the movie for the time being.

They missed at least half an hour of it but the movie isn’t so complex that she can’t understand what’s going on. Some ghost or demon is haunting a couple of college kids, picking them off one by one in increasingly gruesome ways, while the rest of them try to figure out what’s going on. It doesn’t scare her, horror movies generally don’t – and that’s why it’s a bit of surprise when an unexpected jump scare catches her completely off-guard.

She jerks, yelping loudly, and her hand instinctively shoots out, her elbow accidentally colliding with an unassuming Cassian. He moans in pain and clutches his nose, and with panic, she realizes that blood is seeping through his fingers.

“Oh, shit, oh my god, Cassian, I’m so sorry – fuck, did I break it?”

“Not sure,” he mumbles, voice distorted from his injured nose and his hand covering his face.

She’s the fucking worst, Jyn thinks miserably to herself while she searches for a handful of tissues and presents them to him, too afraid to actually touch his nose herself. She’s not sure which is worse: that she _jumped_ at a jump scare or that she might have broken Cassian's nose.

No, okay, possibly breaking Cassian's nose is worse. He just wanted to eat in peace, and perhaps fuck her afterwards, and she goes and ruins it for both of them. It’s just so typical.

Worst girlfriend ever.

* * *

It was a close call but she didn’t break his nose, a small mercy in all this mess. She doesn’t think she could live with the mortification if she did. But they prescribe him pain medication and tell him to ice his nose several times for the next few days. Jyn stays quiet even as the doctor gives her an obviously judging look. (“It was an accident,” she wants to snarl, but doesn’t think she has the right to when she feels so terrible about it herself.)

Cassian is, of course, forgiving, telling her that he isn’t upset, but if possible, it just makes her feel guiltier. She really doesn’t deserve him.

“I'm so sorry,” she tells him again after she drove him home from the hospital and he invited her inside. “I totally ruined the mood.”

“You didn't.” Jyn gives him a look and he relents. “Okay, the night didn't exactly go in the direction I was thinking of but you didn't ruin everything. I still had a good time.”

Almost having your nose broken and still having a good time sounds incompatible but what’s more unimaginable is that she knows Cassian means it. It makes her feel marginally better.

“And hey, it could have been worse.”

“I could have broken it?”

“You could have killed me,” he deadpans and when she hits his shoulder, he grins. “Who would have thought dating you would be the most dangerous part of my life?”

“Oh, shut up,” Jyn huffs, defensive now.

“I'll bring a helmet next time.”

“Cassian,” she warns but she’s not truly annoyed.

“Jyn,” he says, all serious now, his eyes locking onto hers, “dating you is the best dangerous thing I've ever done.” 

She’s not sure what to say to that or how to react, and she can’t handle the intensity of his eyes, so she looks down at her feet, face warm – but her lips curl into a small smile and she hopes he knows she appreciates the sentiment.

Looking up after a moment, she fidgets and glances around his living room. “I should go.”

“Stay.”

She raises her eyebrows. “You sure? Might try to stab you next time.”

That makes him laugh for a second until his face contracts in pain, and she feels horrible all over again. He must see it on her face because he sighs and holds out a hand, his eyes kind and inviting, and there’s really no other choice but to accept his offer. She’s selfishly glad that he’s not more upset about this.

He brings her to the couch and she settles in against his chest, content to just be held by him. The silence is peaceful and easy and she can almost forget this whole incident for the moment.

Until he speaks, with a hint of teasing in his voice. “Next time, though, we’re not watching a horror movie.”

Jyn groans. She would never live it down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: I was going to have them do it in this chapter but as I was writing it, I realized they were just begging to be cockblocked again by their own damn selves. Sorry. Smut coming next chapter.
> 
> Come say hi on [tumblr](http://captainandors.tumblr.com/)!


	3. December, 2018

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn’s attempt to bake a cake for Cassian’s birthday doesn’t go as planned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the bit of a delay, this chapter was not cooperating with me and I’m still not quite satisfied with it, but I also really just needed to post it
> 
> oh, and this is the smut chapter, by the way

 

Jyn regrets her brilliant idea to bake for Cassian’s birthday the minute he takes a bite of her cheesecake – his favorite. Evidently, not anymore.

Sure, her attempt at baking didn’t exactly go the way she wanted it to, – she accidentally left it in the oven too long while showering and it left it a little darkened and crispy – but she hoped it would be edible, at least. Based on the way Cassian briefly grimaces when he takes his first bite, it isn’t.

She’s a little afraid to ask now. “Well?”

He chews and swallows for longer than necessary, presumably to avoid answering. His face is carefully blank and that’s never a good sign.

“It’s great.”

It plainly isn’t. She knows he doesn’t have his poker face on for nothing.

Just why, Jyn laments internally, did she even try to bake in the first place? It was a remarkably stupid idea from someone who’s never been a great cook and often overcooked or otherwise ruined meals when she did try to make something.

But she wanted to surprise Cassian, (that definitely worked) get him a great birthday present, (another success – he loved the brand new boots she gave him, the ones she’d seen him check out a month ago) then end the day on a high note by giving him a couple of orgasms as well (that one is still on the table, at least.)

So she’d googled recipes, choosing the most appealing one, and refusing help even when Bodhi carefully suggested she might need it. It was all or nothing – the success or failure would be hers alone.

She presented him with a plate almost as soon as he arrived, too jittery to wait until dessert time. Cassian had offered to make them dinner beforehand and she agreed because she wasn’t stupid enough to try and tackle two cooking projects at the same time. He looked confused when she insisted on trying the cake first, probably assuming she got it from a nearby bakery, but his face lit up with a wide smile when she explained that she made it herself. That kind of smile only appeared once in a blue moon, and she’d been feeling rather optimistic then, proud of the delighted look she put on his face. She crashed all the harder for it now.

Jyn gives him a look. “What’s wrong with it? Don’t bullshit me.”

She reaches for his plate without waiting for an answer, figuring it’s best to see it for herself. Cassian pulls it away from her with surprising speed and takes a huge bite with his fork, barely hiding his grimace. “It’s mine,” he manages to say as he’s chewing.

“Really, Cassian?” she deadpans and goes for his plate again, managing to seize it this time after a bit of struggle.

“Jyn, don’t –” he starts to say but she ignores his protest and, foregoing any silverware, scoops up the slice with her hand and bites into her own, presumably horrible, cheesecake.

She spits it out immediately. It’s more burnt than she thought and it leaves an unpleasant aftertaste in her mouth. There’s no way they’re going to eat any of this.

Cassian is actually glaring at her. “Why couldn’t you let me pretend it was great?”

“Because it’s your birthday and you don’t deserve to eat burnt cheesecake.”

With that, she brings his plate to the trash can and, as Cassian is protesting in the background, dumps the offending item into it. And then the rest of the cake too.

_“Jyn.”_

Her back to him, she shrugs. “It’s fine.”

“Why did you throw it out?” He walks over, looking almost like he wants to take it out of trash can, and she wrinkles her eyebrows at him.

“Don’t tell me you were going to eat that.”

“It’s not about that. Jyn, I don’t care that what it tasted like.” He exhales a frustrated sigh, running his hand through his hair. His accent is always a little thicker when he gets worked up like this and it bleeds through his words now. “The fact that you’ve even done this for me means more than you can imagine. Nobody has made me cheesecake for my birthday since…”

Since his mother. She knows. That’s why it’s his favorite. That’s why she feels so ashamed for ruining it.

When he finds his words, he says, “You are incredible,” like he means it, and Jyn snorts, disagreeing.

“If you’re going to tell me it’s the thought that counts, I swear –”

“No, you _are_ incredible. And I love you.”

Her mind screeches to a halt.

He’s never said it before though he’s shown it. She’s never said it before though she’s felt it.

It’s not exactly surprising but she wasn’t expecting him to say it right here and now and hearing it from him… well, both of them believe in actions over words but there’s certainly a magic to hearing it for the first time.

She’s not going to make a big deal out of it. It isn’t their thing and she wouldn’t know how to be sappy anyway – but she’s still grinning and looping her arms around his neck.

“I love you, Cassian,” she says, surprising even herself. She didn’t intend to say it back. She wanted to say “Happy birthday,” with a gentle smile she reserved only for him, so that he would _know_ , even if she didn’t say it, that she felt the same. But her mouth opened and the words slipped out and she realized she wouldn’t take it back.

Not with the way he’s looking at her now. With love but also something more. Devotion, dedication, reverence. A few months ago, it might have scared her enough to temporarily flee from his arms, but now… it still scares her. But she wouldn’t leave for the world. She stays right where she is and lets him kiss her into oblivion until she almost forgets her own name. Residual fear from old childhood traumas is the furthest thing from her mind.

“We should eat something that’s not burnt cheesecake,” she murmurs, barely breaking away from his lips, then Cassian is kissing her again.

“Oh, I’ll eat something.”

She snorts a laugh and shakes her head at him in fondness. “I’m hungry,” she insists, her hand coming up to stroke his beard, their foreheads touching. “Kitchen is all yours.” She steps away and spreads her arms out.

He considers this for a second, wheels turning in his head. “You could help. With something more than just chopping vegetables,” he adds when she opens her mouth. “I’ll teach you, you’ll be a pro in no time.”

Jyn makes a show of huffing and rolling her eyes but can’t say no to him when he looks happy like that. She’d probably do anything to keep him smiling forever.

“Alright, Master Chef.” She retrieves an apron from a cupboard that she’s pretty sure she’s never used before and shoves it at him with an expectant quirk of her eyebrows. “Show me your moves.”

* * *

“Cassian,” she warns, for what feels like the hundredth time. “I’m going to make it too salty this time.”

He’s unfazed, keeps on kissing her neck, his hands around her waist. “At least, you’ll have an excuse now.”

“You’re handsy,” she remarks, wiggling a bit in his embrace. She can feel the vibrations of his quiet groan against her skin. “Is this your idea of cooking?”

“You don’t like it?”

“I’m worried it’s at the expense of our di – _oh_.” He makes his way up her throat to a place behind her ear and she breaks into a gasp. He _knows_ it’s a weak spot for her.

“I want you,” he tells her, voice low and throaty.

“Evidently.” She could feel her erection pressing against her thigh for the last fifteen minutes. She would be lying if she said it didn’t make her wet but – “I want to eat first.”

She can feel his eyes on her as they set the table, constant and unrelenting. When she finally looks at him after their food is served, he’s sitting at his usual seat, one hand lazily palming the obvious bulge in his pants with an almost expectant look in his eyes. She arches her eyebrows at him. It’s a cheap shot.

(It’s working, though, but she doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction.)

“Is that the hand you’ll be using to eat?”

He snorts, raises his hands in a gesture of surrender, and they finally dig into their, mercifully perfectly cooked, dinner.

He finishes before she does; perhaps she eats a little slower on purpose, wanting to see how far she can push him before he breaks.

Cassian is patient, though, far more patient than she is, and though he’s looking at her with anticipation as she slowly eats her dinner, he makes no moves to hurry or distract her. Eventually, she runs out of time, and must grudgingly admit defeat, and he’s up and moving over her as soon as she swallows her last bite. (She doesn’t mind this kind of defeat.)

She knows he intends to exact payback by dragging this out until she begs; it’s evident from the way he kisses her lazily, unhurriedly. But she knows how to push his buttons too, and it won’t be too hard to make him snap when he’s been worked up since she said ‘I love you’ back.

She doesn’t make it too obvious, lest he get stubborn and drag it out for hours to prove a point, which he is entirely capable of. His self-control can be intimidatingly amazing when he sets his mind to it. But she rakes her hand through his hair and tugs gently on his scalp the way he likes it. Her other hand slips under his shirt and drifts up his back, nails digging into his skin. It earns her a hiss of pleasure and their kiss deepens. She hides her self-satisfied smirk in Cassian’s tongue sliding against hers.

He kisses her for a good long while and she tries not to hurry him along. It’s a struggle, when all she wants is to feel his tongue between her legs as well, but he does eventually make his way down to her neck and chest, and then it’s not long before he has her standing up from her chair to strip her of her clothing. She’s half-naked and panting, with an eager Cassian kneeling at her feet, sooner than she’s expected.

Of course, that doesn’t mean he’s anywhere close to giving her what she wants just yet.

Cassian slips her panties down her legs with practiced smoothness and Jyn steps out of them. He bites down on his lip, staring for a second, and she helpfully opens her legs for a better view, taunting, gloating. She knows he’s not going to touch her there yet but she can make it hard for him. She smirks at her own joke. Figuratively _and_ literally.

“You’re a tease,” Cassian groans with exasperated fondness and her evil grin widens. But her moment of power doesn’t last long; he kisses her knee, his breath hot against her skin, close but still far, and she jerks, clutching his hair instinctively. Who’s the tease now, she thinks, as he kisses his way up her thigh at a torturously slow pace before predictably switching legs and repeating the same process.

He’s tonguing at her thigh, his beard scraping against her skin – a familiar and pleasant sensation, so distinctively Cassian – and he’s so close to where she wants him that she finally loses her patience. She shoves her hips forward, towards his face, hoping he’ll take the hint, but he just chuckles and grabs her waist to hold her in place. The look he gives her roughly translates to: “Did you really think that would work?”

She gives in.

“Cass?”

He hums, too busy kissing her hips now to answer properly.

“Will you put your mouth on me already?”

“It is on you,” he retorts, amused, and perfectly aware of what she means. She rolls her eyes at the old tactic but he sees and bites her hip, using a little more teeth than usual. She yelps, swatting him away on instinct, and he pulls away with an affected shrug.

“Well, if you don’t want my mouth on you then…”

She will kill him.

“Cassian Andor, put your mouth on my cunt already,” she growls with not little frustration.

His dark eyes sparkle in amusement and his eyebrows lift pointedly.

 _“Please,”_ she adds, a little haughty.

Cassian huffs a laugh. “You don’t really sound like you mean that please. But alright.”

And fuck, all thoughts of a clever retort flee her brain, because Cassian’s mouth is there and he doesn’t hold back.

Jyn’s legs almost buckle at the first few swipes of his tongue but Cassian is holding her waist firmly, keeping her upright. Somehow, that turns her on more. She’s barely holding herself up, supported only by him, certain she would crumble to the floor if he let go. She’s at his mercy, more or less, but she trusts him to take care of her and – it’s incredibly sexy. She’s not going to last long.

He pulls away for a second, rewards her with a sinful grin and a playful murmur, “You taste sweeter than that cake,” then dives right back in. She doesn’t even have time to react.

“Cass, _oooh_.” Her head thrown back, she gasps, choking out a string of desperate little whimpers under his talented mouth. His fingers dig into her ass as he holds her steady and she’s delighted at the thought of the red crescent nail marks he’s going to leave behind. She likes to mark him and be marked by him, – burn marks on her thighs, hickeys on his chest, bruises on her hips, scratches all along his back – even if no one sees them, she _knows_ they’re there and that’s enough.

Cassian doesn’t stop now that he’s started and it’s almost too much for her – the insistent pressure of his tongue on her clit, the scratchiness of his beard against her thigh, the way he looks up at her from between her legs when she can find it in herself to open her eyes and watch him, his eyes hooded and dark and hypnotizing. She can’t look away. Her breathing is only shuddering little gasps and whimpers, louder with each kiss and lick as she climbs steadily towards the finish line.

“Don’t stop,” she sobs, hips jerking as the pressure inside her builds, then explodes, with a drawn-out cry on her lips.  

She lets out a quiet satisfied hum as she slumps, boneless, back into her chair. Cassian follows, and his mouth is still on her, less insistent now, but still pressing tiny kisses on her mound. She lets him keep doing that while she catches her breath and regains her energy. When she comes back to herself, she wraps her legs around his head, lazy and comfortable now on the chair, and allows him to build her up again, until he slips two fingers inside her and she knows she’s going to come.

Summoning will-power she’s not sure she has, she threads her fingers into his hair and yanks.

“Enough.” He pulls away and she brings his head up, their eyes catching. “Enough foreplay.”

It’s _his_ birthday and it’s only been about her so far; she knows he doesn’t mind but she’d like to make him come too. Regarding him with a frown, she says, “You’re wearing too many damn clothes,” then promptly pulls his shirt over his head. Much better.

She kisses him, making quick work of his pants and boxers, until they’re equally naked and equally ready. Still, she pulls away to look him in the eye, one hand lazily stroking his cock, watching for every little reaction and twitch of his lips that she’s learned to notice.

“Well, birthday boy.” Her lips quirk into, what she hopes to be, a seductive smirk. “It’s your day so you get to choose. What do you want? My mouth or my cunt?”

“You,” he says, so open and sincere and immediate, that a small pathetic noise escapes the back of her throat.

Her face softens. Her hand comes up to run through his hair, a little in awe that this beautiful man loves her, a little in shock at her own stroke of luck, and a lot in love. She kisses him again, softer this time, unhurried and tender. Then she quickly switches their positions, climbing on top of him after she’s pushed him down on the kitchen chair. If it’s her he wants…

They both moan as she lowers herself onto him. His cock stretches her deliciously and her eyes fall shut. It feels a little bit like coming home. After months of being together, Jyn knows his body as well as she knows her own, and she can’t get enough of him.

She rocks her hips a little, whimpering, and Cassian meets her thrust for thrust without fail, but lets her set the pace. His mouth finds her neck, sucking bruises into her skin, and soothing teeth marks with the cool tip of his tongue. Jyn can’t stop touching him, from burying her fingers in his hair and sinking her nails into his shoulder to running her hands down his chest and dragging his head away from her neck to kiss him deeply.

“Tell me again,” she gasps into his mouth, hips moving relentlessly.

“Tell you what?” he asks, voice equally as low and breathless as her own. She slams her hips down a little harder, and the sound he makes, half-groan, half-whine, spurs her on, setting her hips moving faster and deeper.

“That you love me.”

“Oh, God,” he groans, “Of course, I do. Of course, I do. I love you, Jyn. Te amo. I love you.”

She’s half-undone just by his words, and Cassian looks at her like she’s set the stars in the sky, and it feels too much, too big. She smashes her mouth against his in a messy, graceless kiss, broken sobs filtering through her lips, her rhythm faltering. Cassian helps her out, steadily thrusting up inside her as she lets go and loses herself in the pleasure of him, a sharp cry on her lips.

He’s unfaltering even as she comes down but she knows he’s close too. The telltale signs are there if you know what to look for: the tightening of his hands around her waist, the harsh gasping of his breath, the hazy, unfocused look in his eyes as he fights to keep them open.

“Cassian,” she whispers his name, kisses the spot behind his ear, her voice as gentle as her fingers stroking his hair, “let go. I love you. Let go.”

He chokes out her name, needing no further encouragements. Cassian is beautiful when he comes; he’s always beautiful. But with his eyes closed, his mouth open, her name on his tongue – he’s radiant. He looks like art, and it’s almost a crime that it isn’t immortalized in some grandiose renaissance painting, but Jyn is selfish and wants it all to herself.

She moves her hips against his until he stills, panting as they clung to each other on that little chair, spent and satisfied. Then she kisses him again, with too much fervor for someone who’s just come, but she feels so much that her heart is near bursting, and she has no idea how to express it other than physical touch. ‘I love you’ doesn’t seem to be good enough, doesn’t truly convey half of what she feels for him.

He lets out a serene sigh, resting his forehead against hers, his eyes still closed in contentment. She ruffles the ends of his hair, a fond smile twitching on her lips.

“Happy birthday, Cass,” she says, voice barely more than a whisper. “I’m really glad you were born.”

He laughs quietly, kisses her bare shoulder. His eyes sparkle as he looks at her, and Jyn wishes she could keep him happy and carefree like this forever.

“You know what?” He lifts his hand to stroke her cheek, Jyn instinctively leaning into his touch. “Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure why all of these ended up having a sort of "Jyn is very unlucky" theme, but the next one is not going to be any different so I hope you all like this ridiculousness. 
> 
> you can find me on [tumblr](http://captainandors.tumblr.com/)


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